February 4, 2013

On 2/4/2013 the vet came to float Tim's teeth. She told me, instead, that he should be euthanized because of a laminitic hoof, that he was in pain and his quality of life was not good. I have the greatest respect for this vet and every single day I ask myself if it is time for it to be over for Tim. Tim is my very best friend in all the world. I tell him 20 times a day that I love him so very much. He is my constant and I am his. He is very old. He has been with me for twelve years. When the last of his vision faded from his eyes he gave his trust, his life, to me.

When we euthanized Snowdrop I planned it all out. I told everyone that knew her to come and say goodbye, they had 2 weeks to do this. We got the backhoe to dig her grave and made an appointment for the vet to come on a certain day. Snowdrop knew she was going to die that day. She just did. I swore I would never do that again. She just checked out, we could barely make her walk to her grave. I did not want that to happen to Tim.

Tim is a time bomb. I know his day is coming. I always said that if he ever chokes or colics that will be the end – no heroics, just over. In all our years together, Tim has never been sick.

As I held Tim on this day, 2/4/13, I sobbed and prayed. I had been convinced by the vet that this should be the end of his life. I asked for help from the Great Creator of horses and asked if Tim's angel could be with us to help.

The day before a human friend of mine had broken my heart. I was very sad. I really wanted some kind of small miracle to take place for me, I even prayed for one, silly as it seems, I felt so alone.

I put Tim's halter on and said “come on my love, let's go for a walk”. Because this was it, the last walk we would ever take together. As I looked right at Tim he rubbed his head against the stall door frame, caught some part of his halter on the stall guard eye bolt, the crown piece broke and it fell from his face. In all the years that I've had horses I have never had a halter break. I believe I just saw my miracle. Tim did not die that day. I said “well, there's my answer”.

He got his teeth done, I fed him his favorite candy. Tim is not leaving me just yet – and that's the TRUTH! - Amen.

I hand pick our vets. Only the best will do for us – but they are not always right. Sometimes I am. I have cared for Tim all these years. I have seen his good days and his bad days, I have seen him rally time after time. This was no wheres near as bad as he has been. He just keeps getting over stuff.

Maybe Tim's time will be up in a week, a month, or a year. Maybe he will make it into God's Kingdom and never die at all. I just don't know, but it wasn't on 2/4/13. His halter which he snapped and fell from his face 10 seconds before walking to his death, one minute after my prayers, well – I don't know – too many “coincidences” for me. Again I still feel that the horses tell me when it's over. Tim was telling me no such thing. He had his head out the door, snuffling around, knocking things over finding bits of hay on the floor to eat. His teeth were well cared for and he wanted Food!!

My work here at EOTS is endless and difficult for my aging body to manage sometimes. I do have the help of my wonderful volunteers and especially my “hydra-bud” Jessica, but I so depend on the powerful energy of these beloved horses to get me through the days. Especially Tim. His is just always connected to me. His quiet presence lends me his strength of spirit. He hugs me and comforts me. He is far better than any human whose job should have been the same. Any time, day or night he's there to help me. I know that he is probably going to die some day. Of all the horses here I will miss him the most, but on this day 2/4/13, I was reminded that dearest Tim a gift given to me for a reason that I do not understand yet. My beloved beautiful Tim – the most precious horse in the world.

And Then

The day after Tim's almost death, my dear friend Ruthie appeared with her farrier. Tim had his feet trimmed. He's left front hoof twists inward, we don't know why, but this was the one the vet was concerned about. The problem was the right front. The farrier discovered a subsolar abscess. That was a very good thing! The abscessed hoof hurt like crazy which caused him to use his twisted hoof as the weight carrier. He was very painful under these circumstances. I have watched this cycle for years, Tim is used to it and I see it so often I don't even worry about it any more. I will break the cycle this time though. We have to fix it so the abscesses never returns.

Time gets around fairly well as long as he only needs to limp on his twisted foot, but the abscesses need to go.